Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
