NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
