Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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