at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
