There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
