Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
