Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
