So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
