They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
