They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
