Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
