I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
