he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
