I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
