i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
