Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
