I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
