Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
