By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
