i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
