so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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