it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
