I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
