I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
