too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
