I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
