dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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