my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
