At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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