Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
do nipples grow back?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
