But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
