Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
