tell your sister to shave her snatch
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
not ubering you a puppy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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