the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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