I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
