My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
