We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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