Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
