I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
