dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
