I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
