oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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