He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
