the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
