nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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