I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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