When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
