I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
did you just send me my own nude
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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