Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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