I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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