I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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