if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
