Fuck appropriateness.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
