I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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